Somewhere Only We Know
by Dee1431
Summary: We deal with life's occurences as they come, but this was something Ryan never expected. Ryan's life goes into a tailspin when he turns into a first time parent to his niece Skylar, but will Skylar's teacher Miss Cooper be able to help him? RM
1. Changes We Can't Control

_Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone  
Susanne the plans they made put an end to you  
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song  
I just can't remember who to send it to_

"She's yours to take care of now, don't be scared, Skylar is too gorgeous to be scared of"

He couldn't move, he couldn't speak, he could barely think. He read the words over and over again, but they stayed the same. His sister, Lauren, her will was clear to him; he was to take care of her daughter. How was he supposed to be a parent? He wasn't the parenting type whatsoever, which was his sister all the way. She had the real maternal genes in her blood; she was a natural born mother.

Don't get him wrong, he loved Skylar, how could he not? She was a beautiful girl, only 5 years old, chocolate brown hair which she got from her father and celery green eyes from her mother. She had beautifully tanned skin that stayed permanent all year round in their South Carolina home. She was a true sweetheart, loved her Uncle Ryan, Barbie's and the TV show "Little Bear." She also had an infatuation for Winnie the Pooh which made her even more adorable in his eyes. But why would his sister choose him?

He had gotten the news of Lauren and his brother in laws death only a couple days before now, it had been a drunk driver, they were on their way home from dinner. They got rear-ended and their car hit a tree and they died within minutes, the best way Ryan thought, that way they didn't suffer. The news had shaken him; he had been in his New York City home and rushed down to South Carolina as soon as he could.

Skylar was staying at his sister's parents in laws home which was about an hour away from where Skylar lived in Charleston. Lauren's mother in law had tried to explain what was happening but Skylar didn't understand which Ryan could easily understand. He and Lauren lost their father to lung cancer at ages 6 and 3, and they never understood what was going on until a lot later in life. They just couldn't comprehend that he'd never be back, that it all could happen so quickly.

But Lauren was his big sister, she was three years older than him but still so young, she was only 29 years old. She had so much more life to live; she had to watch Skylar on her first day of kindergarten, which was coming up very soon. She had to see Skylar graduate High School, she had to see Skylar's wedding…but she wouldn't…and that's what killed Ryan. It had been hard enough on Lauren's wedding day when she had no father to walk her down the aisle, but had to settle on her uncle, but not having a mother? That was just as bad, no one to help you pick out a dress or pick out flowers…but Skylar had neither a father nor a mother.

He sat in the office in front of Lauren's and his brother in laws lawyer and his own lawyer. They had just given him the Will that Lauren and her husband, Derek, had written only about a year ago for safe keeping. But who knew that it would be used a lot quicker than they thought. Ryan stared at the paper, still stunned beyond words to understand what was happening. "Mr. Atwood" his lawyer asked and Ryan looked up at him, "I don't understand" Ryan murmured as he leaned back into the seat. The lawyers exchanged glances, "why would she choose me? They could have chosen anyone…but they chose me." His lawyer nervously licked his lips, "maybe it's because they trust you Ryan" he said and Ryan looked intensely at him.

"I'm glad they trust me…but I don't know how to raise a kid, Skylar deserves better than me" Ryan said before standing up, he grabbed his cell phone off the table and put it in his pocket. The lawyers both stood up and Lauren's lawyer glanced at the will and fixed his glasses before clearing his voice, "what do you say Mr. Atwood?" he asked. Ryan sighed and looked out the window and saw the beach on the horizon, it was a truly serene view for a time like this. "Yes…I'd rather Skylar be with me…my sister was really smart" he said glancing down while he tried to fight back the lump in his throat. "So she must have picked me for a reason" he said before leaving the office.

There were so many things to settle, where would they live? They would stay in Charleston he decided, because it would be better for Skylar to stay in her home with her friends and her familiar surroundings. But they would sell his sisters house and buy another one for himself and Skylar. What would he do about his penthouse in New York City? He'd have to sell it, it would be a waste of money to keep, he thought. What about his job? He partly owned a string of restaurants all across New England and New York, but he could always work from South Carolina he assumed. There were still so many things he had to worry about for Skylar, where would she go to school? What would she wear every day? What would she eat for lunch? Breakfast? Dinner? He knew he was in for a rough ride.

He walked up the stairs of Derek's mother's house and knocked on the door. He heard someone unlock the door and Derek's mother smiled sadly as he came into view. Ryan smiled weakly back; she outdrew her arms and hugged him. "How are you Ryan?" she asked as they pulled away, Ryan shrugged and looked down, and "not so good…how are you and Mr. Watson?" he asked quietly. He saw the way the simple question affected her and she merely shook her head and looked down, finding it difficult to answer the question. She opened the door for him to step and he slowly walked into the home where someone was waiting for him "Uncle Ryan!" Skylar yelled from the kitchen as she ran down the hallway. Ryan smiled and knelt down and drew her into his arms, "come here you" he said as he held her tight.

Skylar pulled away back and looked at him "Uncle Ryan what are you doing here?" she asked with a smile. Ryan smiled back and lightly tapped her button nose which made her giggle, "I'm here to see you…I thought we could maybe talk" he said. Skylar smiled at him and grabbed his hand, "come on, we can go and watch my new Winnie the Pooh movie Grandma and Grandpa bought me" she said as she pulled his hand into the living room. As soon as they sat on the couch, Ryan turned to Skylar, "baby…we have to talk about something first" he said and she put down the movie. She turned to him with a frown, "am I in trouble?" she asked with a pout, Ryan smiled and kissed her forehead, "of course not…you're not in trouble" which made her immediately smile.

Ryan sighed loudly and looked over at the window, trying to avoid Skylar's eyes; her eyes were a lot more powerful than he had remembered. "Skylar, you know how Grandma talked to you about mommy and daddy?" he asked hesitantly. Skylar nodded with a frown, "yeah…she says there not coming back" she said sadly, "is that true?" she asked. Ryan sighed and looked back at her, "yeah baby…that's true" he said slowly. Skylar just nodded her head and looked down, not knowing how to behave at the moment, "but you're going to live with me" he said.

Skylar slowly brought her eyes up to meet his, "we're going to live in a new house but we're going to stay in Charleston, that way we can still visit Grandma Watson" he said with a small smile. Skylar nodded her head and looked down at her movie, where the cartoon Winnie the Pooh was displayed on the cover. Ryan grabbed the movie and put it in the DVD player for her and they started to watch, halfway through, Skylar turned to him, "Uncle Ryan?" she asked. Ryan turned to her, "yeah Sky?" he asked using her nickname. "Since I'm going to live with you…can I keep my goldfish Henry?" she said with fear behind her eyes. Ryan laughed and smiled sweetly at her, "of course you can… you can keep whatever you want" he said as he kissed the top of her head. Ten minutes later, Skylar turned to him again, "Uncle Ryan?" and he turned to her. "Can you promise me that you won't leave like mommy and daddy?" and he felt his heart break into 2. He stared at this vulnerable and sad little girl and couldn't help but feel his eyes fill with tears, "I promise baby…I'll do whatever I can to stay with you" he said and Skylar just smiled and turned back to the movie. It was such a simple question that any young child would curiously ask but we don't realize what the impact of such a simple question can be.

_I've seen fire and I've seen rain  
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end  
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend  
But I always thought that I'd see you again._


	2. A Newfound Love For Teachers

Ryan slowly brought the coffee up to his lips as he sat at the kitchen table. He silently read the article discussing a traded pitcher from the Yankees to the Boston Red Sox in the Sports Section. A lot had transformed over the past month and a half, Ryan sold Lauren's house and had bought a house of his own. The house was large in size with four bedrooms, one master bedroom, and three relatively large bedrooms. With three bathrooms, a finished basement, an office, a living room, a family room, and a large kitchen, it was perfect. Also the fact that it was right down the street from the beach didn't hurt.

Derek's parents had also put their house up for sale, hoping to move closer to Ryan and Skylar to help Ryan out. Ryan had moved all his belongings down to Charleston and was working from the office in his house. He had chosen a school for Skylar to go to and met with the principle, getting a tour and meeting with one of the two teachers she would have. So far, everything was going good. Skylar was still relatively quiet, not being her full self, but it's what he had expected. He put down the newspaper as he heard little feet coming down the steps quickly, and run into the kitchen. Ryan turned to Skylar and smiled, looking at her cute yellow sun dress and matching flip flops. Ryan had tried to do his best with her hair but it ended up coming out quite messy in two pigtails.

He smiled as he saw her hold her Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal in her arms, her eyes seemed scared and he knew she was nervous. "Uncle Ryan…do I look pretty?" she asked in a quiet voice. Ryan got up and knelt down in front of her, "of course you do sweetheart" he said, Skylar looked up at him and with tears in her eyes spoke quietly, "my mommy used to say that I was the pwettiest girl in the world" she said, mispronouncing prettiest, which made him chuckle. "Well she's right and she always will be" Ryan said as he kissed her forehead and stood up, he grabbed her Little Bear lunchbox and placed it insider her small pink backpack and handed the backpack to her.

Skylar grabbed his hand as they walked out of the house. Ryan clipped her into her car seat and got into the front seat, he started the car and they were on the way to school. The car ride was quiet besides the radio playing the latest Fray song; he slowly looked into the mirror and watched Skylar as she stared out the window. He knew what she was thinking, he could see it in her eyes, the first day of kindergarten wasn't supposed to be with her Uncle. It should be with her parents, her mom should pick out her clothes, do her hair, her dad is supposed to drive her there and kiss her goodbye. But sometimes stories don't follow the same path you would want them to.

_**We're only taking turns, holding this world.  
It's how it's always been,  
When you're older, you will understand.**_

They entered through the doors of the school and went down the hallway to the Kindergarten. Ryan and Skylar stood in the doorway where about 30 kids were situtated, the kids were either playing at desks, with toys on the rug, or with each other. There were puzzles, games, arts and crafts, books…just about everything. It was the nicest and most developed school in the area and Ryan made sure that Skylar got the best. Ryan looked up as he saw one of the teachers come up to him; it was Mrs. Andrews, the teacher he had met before. She was a nice looking woman with dark brown hair and brown eyes; he had remembered that she was very kind when he had first met her. "Hello Mr. Atwood" she said with a smile, Ryan smiled back "hi Mrs. Andrews, this is Skylar" he said gesturing to his niece. Skylar shyly looked up at Mrs. Andrews who smiled back, "hello Skylar…I'm your teacher, Mrs. Andrews" she said. Skylar smiled, "hi…I'm Skylar Watson, I'm five years old" she said while putting up five fingers.

Mrs. Andrews smiled and laughed and put out her hand for Skylar to grab, Skylar looked up at Ryan and Ryan smiled back at her, Skylar slowly put her hand into Mrs. Andrews and brought Skylar over to some of the other children where she started playing. "She's gorgeous" he heard from next to him, he turned to the speaker and was surprised at how gorgeous she was. She had light blonde hair and bright blue eyes; her hair was in a simple pony tail. She wore a light blue skirt that went to her knees, a white button down blouse, and a pair of white flats. "Thank you" he said with a smile, she smiled back at him and he felt his heart drop, "she's my niece" he said while looking back at Skylar play with the other little girls.

"Oh you're not her father?" the woman asked and Ryan turned back to her, "no…Skylar is my sisters child, but my sister and her husband…passed" he said quietly. A solemn expression came across her face and brought a hand to her mouth, "I'm so sorry" she said. Ryan nodded his head in thanks; he turned back to Skylar and smiled at how gorgeous she really was. "I'm Marissa, or Miss Cooper, Skylar's teacher" she said with a smile. Ryan smiled and put out his hand, "Ryan Atwood" he said and she slowly shook his hand, causing chills to travel down their spines. Marissa turned to look at Skylar while he still looked her over, wanting to feel her beautifully soft skin underneath his fingers. He shook his head, trying to get rid of his dirty thoughts and looked over to Skylar and chuckled as he looked at her hair, "I think it's pretty obvious that I'm a first time parent…her hair isn't exactly…well, neat in any way" he said with a laugh and Marissa giggled.

"Don't worry…I see it every single year with single men and children, just trust me, it's not the worst I've seen" she said reassuring him. Ryan smirked and looked back at Skylar, "but it's still pretty bad" he said with a laugh and Marissa couldn't help again joining with his laughter. Their laughter died down and Marissa looked over to him, "if Skylar wants me to fix it, I don't mind, I have hair supplies with me" she said with a smile. Ryan smiled, "thank you, that'd be very helpful" he said while looking over to Mrs. Andrews who just clapped her hands in the center of the large classroom to get everyone's attention. Marissa turned to him and smiled, "I have to go…but it was very nice meeting you Mr. Atwood" she said. "Call me Ryan" he said as all the kids made a circle around Mrs. Andrews, "okay, Ryan" she said with smile. "Will I see you at the end of the day when you pick Skylar up?" she asked, Ryan nodded his head, "yes you will" he said and she grinned, "okay then…bye Ryan" she said and left his side to join Mrs. Andrews in the middle of the circle. "Goodbye Marissa" he said under his breath and turned and left the classroom, but not without turning once more to get a look at Skylar, and Miss Cooper.

Later that day, Ryan went into the school to pick up Skylar and stood by the doors, waiting the few extra minutes until the school day was over. He saw Miss. Cooper playing with some of the children and watched her smile, a beautiful smile it was, he couldn't turn away, that was until she turned to him and he quickly looked away. Marissa smiled and continued playing with the kids. Ryan turned and saw Skylar sitting at the desk with three other little girls as they drew pictures, he couldn't help but be excited for his niece, making friends already. Her hair looked good too; he made a note to thank Marissa for fixing her hair as well.

He heard the bell ring behind him and watched as all the little kids ran to their cubbies to grab their things and go with their parents. There were only a few kids left when he walked into the room and went over to Skylar who was grabbing her stuffed animal and backpack from her cubby. "Hey Sky" he said happily as she turned around and jumped into his arms as she saw him, "Uncle Ryan! I had the best day ever, I made so many fwiends" she said in excitement. Ryan laughed and ruffled her hair a little bit, "that's great sweetie, I want to hear about your entire day" he said. He looked up as he saw Marissa make her way over to them, "hello Ryan" she said with a warm smile, "hi Miss Cooper" he said. Marissa turned to Skylar, "Skylar, did you tell your Uncle Ryan about the day you had?" she asked with a bright smile.

Skylar nodded her head in delight, "I started to Miss Cooper, I had so much fun" she said to Marissa, who giggled. Skylar turned to Ryan, "and Miss Cooper did my hair Uncle Ryan, isn't it so pwetty?" she asked as she moved her head, shaking the pig tails. Ryan laughed, "of course it is…they look great, I think we might need Miss Cooper to do your hair a lot more often" he said as he looked up at Marissa with a smile. Marissa smiled, "any time…Miss Skylar was such a good girl when I did her hair" she said as she smiled at Skylar. Skylar started to grab her things and put her backpack on, and grabbed her Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal, "Uncle Ryan, can we go? I really want to go home so I can call Grandma and Grandpa and tell them about my first day" she said with a smile.

Ryan stood up with a smile, "okay…lets hit the road" he said and Skylar giggled. Ryan turned to Marissa who smiled, "I'll walk you guys to your car" she said as she walked with them out of the school. "So how was she?" he asked Marissa as Skylar trailed ahead of them, Marissa turned to him, "very good…she was so interactive with all the other kids and made some friends, she's such a nice girl, so whatever you've been doing, just keep on doing that" she said. Ryan nodded his head, "I will…thanks…its just so" he trailed off as he watched Skylar open the door of the car and put her things on the floor of the car. "Complicated?" Marissa guessed, Ryan turned to her and nodded his head, "yeah…I mean its complicated because I never know if what I'm doing is right or if it's what my sister Lauren would have done" he said. "Of course that's complicated…but from what I can tell, you're doing great so far Ryan" she said as she fidgeted with the piece of paper that was in her hand. Ryan noticed the piece of paper and saw as she inwardly sighed and put some hair behind her hair, probably a habit he assumed.

"In that case, if you ever need help with Skylar, such as advice or hair emergencies" she said with a laugh, "just give me a call, for anything" she added as she handed him a piece of paper with her cell phone number. Ryan looked over the number and nodded his head, "I will…thank you Marissa, I really appreciate it" he said. Marissa nodded her head and stepped back, "well I better get inside" she said as she turned to walk back towards the school, "okay…goodbye Marissa" he said and Marissa turned to him and smiled, "see you tomorrow Ryan" she said and turned back to the school.

Ryan watched her walk back to the school and lifted his fist into the air in triumph as soon as she was out of sight. He walked the rest of the way over to the car and buckled Skylar into her seat, "she's very pwetty Uncle Ryan, you should ask her on a date" Skylar said innocently. Ryan laughed and kissed her forehead, "thanks for the advice Sky, I'll keep that in mind" he said as he closed the door. He started the car and exited the parking lot, "So tell me about this day you had, I want to hear every single detail" Ryan said and Skylar immediately started speaking about her day, exciting Ryan more than he had expected.


	3. Something So Right, Ending So Wrong

The first few weeks of school went by quickly; it was especially quick for Skylar who loved school more than anything. Ryan would drop her off every morning, talk to Marissa for a little bit, leave then come back to pick her up and there would another story to tell about her day at school. He enjoyed every second of what she said, knowing that he was finally getting the hang of it. Skylar had seemed to be a lot better; she was talking a lot more was before. Little things like laughing, smiling and just playing outside in the backyard with the neighbors kids all made Ryan even fonder of Skylar.

It was already the beginning of October and Ryan's work had been in full spring, he had been communicating with his partners back in New York City. He even got a word in about possibly building another restaurant down in South Carolina, it wasn't a definite but he was hoping that it would become one; working in the house all day long was driving him insane.

Derek's parents had successfully sold their house and were in the process of buying a nice home right near Ryan and Skylar which would be great for Ryan just to have the help. They had been nothing but helpful with Skylar, Ryan wasn't sure what to buy her for clothes, but Mrs. Watson did and she sent tons of clothes for Skylar. Also Ryan wasn't sure what toys she would like, but Mr. Watson, so toys were always waiting to be opened on their doorstep.

Of course the hair situation was something to be worked on. Ryan had gotten better, but even by getting better; Skylar's hair still looked atrocious every single morning. But Ryan had help for that as well, Ryan would drop Skylar off a little early, go in with her, Marissa would do her hair and go and play, leaving the rest of the time for Ryan and her to talk.

In those few weeks that they talked daily, Ryan learned many things about Marissa and her life. He learned that she was originally from Seattle, Washington where her parents still live. She had gone to Stanford University in California. She decided she wanted to be a teacher when she was a freshman in college and worked hard through Stanford, graduating 12th in the entire class. She ended up living in Charleston because one of her best friends in college had said that she needed a roommate, Marissa, always wanting to experience new things, packed up and moved to Charleston and got her job. Her favorite color is red; her favorite ice cream is black raspberry. She loves Hootie and the Blowfish, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, and John Mayer. She had been working at her current position for two years now and loved it from day one. She lives in a Condominium alone, considering her best friend moved into an apartment with her boyfriend about a year before, so she moved out of the apartment into a beautiful Condo by herself and she was single. There were so many more things he could say about her but knew he'd never stop.

Ryan seemed to like Marissa more and more every day, everything he learned about her just made her so much more interesting in his eyes. Although he had never had the courage to call her phone, he found himself looking at the number more and more every day, hoping that he'd find that bravery one of these days.

It had been a long day for Ryan and all he wanted was to go to bed, he had tucked Skylar in a couple hours ago and was sitting on the couch watching television. He stood up and went to his bedroom, slowly stripping himself of his clothing and getting into bed with sweatpants and a wifebeater on. He hadn't remembered a night where falling asleep was so easy.

A few hours later, Ryan awoke to the sound of someone screaming, he sat up quickly, trying to listen. He heard the scream again and jumped out of bed and ran down the hallway to Skylar's bedroom, he ran into the room where Skylar was tossing and turning in her bed, crying and screaming in her sleep. He sat on the bed and held her close, "Skylar baby, wake up…come on sweetie, wake up, it's just a dream" he said and she slowly stopped her untamed actions. Her screaming lowered to a soft whimpering and crying, he held her until she opened her eyes and looked up at Ryan.

"I want my mommy and daddy" she whimpered and started balling once again. Ryan sat helpless on the bed, holding Skylar as she whimpered and asked for her mommy and daddy. Ryan looked around the room for her Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal, he retrieved the stuff animal and gave it to Skylar who just pushed the stuffed animal away and started crying even louder. Ryan was powerless and didn't know what to do, he stood up and ran to his room where he grabbed the piece of paper from his nightstand grabbed his cell phone. It was only three in the morning so he hoped this would work.

He dialed the number and held the phone against his ear and prayed that the phone would be answered. "Hello" a sleepy voice answered, Ryan sighed in relief, "Marissa it's me Ryan" he said urgently. "What's wrong? Is it Skylar?" Marissa asked hearing his tone. "Yeah it is, I don't know what to do…she's screaming and crying from a nightmare and she won't stop…would you come over? Maybe she'll calm down if you're here" Ryan asked, hoping that she'd say yes.

"Of course…I'll be over in a couple minutes" she said and hung up the phone. Ryan went back to the bedroom where she was still crying in her bed, clutching Winnie the Pooh to her chest. He sat on the bed and kissed the top of her head, holding her close to him and tried to soothe her. It was only a few minutes before he heard knocking at the door; he picked a crying Skylar up and brought her downstairs to the door.

Marissa stood with a sad smile on her face with sweatpants and a t-shirt on, in that moment, with her saving him in the middle of night, he knew that this woman was so much better than he could ever imagine. He opened the door and she came into the house, "hey Skylar" Marissa whispered and Skylar turned to see her, finding it a time to cry harder. Marissa sympathetically and held out her arms, Skylar jumped into her arms and nested her head on her shoulder.

With all the lights off, Marissa could barely see anything, so she brought Skylar over to what she thought was the living room and sat down with her. Marissa rubbed her hand up and down Skylar's back. "It's okay sweetie…I'm right here and your Uncle Ryan is right in the other room if we need him" Marissa said sweetly to Skylar. Skylar nodded her head, "I just want my mommy and daddy" Skylar whispered. "I know you do" Marissa said.

Skylar pulled back from her shoulder and stared at Marissa "why did my parents leave Miss Cooper?" Skylar asked. Marissa started to stroke her long dark hair, "sometimes things happen that we can' control…and you're parents leaving is one of those things" Marissa said. She heard Skylar take a deep breath, "I don't understand" Skylar said. Marissa smiled and kissed her forehead, "its okay…well you remember at the end of the Winnie the Pooh book when Christopher Robin _has_ to go to boarding school?" Marissa asked. Skylar nodded her head, "yeah…I didn't like that part…he was supposed to stay with Winnie the Pooh" Skylar said softly.

Marissa felt tears come to her eyes, "yes…he was, but Christopher Robin leaving at the end is just like your parents, its something they couldn't stop and had no control over" Marissa said. Skylar nodded her head and leaned back down to Marissa's shoulder, they sat quietly for a few minutes. "Miss Cooper" Skylar said and Marissa turned to her, "do you think Winnie the Pooh ever saw Christopher Robin again?" she asked. Marissa tried to smile through the tears that were building, "I do…I do think that" Marissa said. Skylar smiled, "then maybe I'll see my mommy and daddy" she said. Marissa smiled and kissed her forehead once more, "I think you will" Marissa said gently.

After Skylar got comfortable in her arms, it only took a few minutes before she fell back asleep. Marissa stood up and softly placed her on the couch, pulling the blanket from the top of the couch and softly laying it over Skylar's body. Marissa watched Skylar for a minute, wondering how a little girl like her could have so much strength and so much belief after everything that had happened. "Good night Skylar" Marissa whispered and left the living room; she heard someone down the hall and followed that hallway to what was the kitchen. Ryan sat down at the table with a cup of water in front in him. He looked up at her and she smiled at him, he smiled weakly back at him and she moved over to where he was sitting and sat down next to him.

"How is she?" Ryan asked as he looked up at her. Marissa leaned back against her seat, "she's asleep…I put her down on the couch…she just wore herself out" Marissa said softly and Ryan nodded. They were silent, Ryan could barely keep his thoughts straight while Marissa sat, wondering if he was okay. "I knew this would happen" Ryan said, Marissa stared at him, encouraging him to go on, "she was fine when it happened…she was too okay…and I knew it would finally hit her and she'd break down…that's what I did when my dad died" Ryan said softly. Marissa moved her hand to rest on his and he smiled in appreciation at her.

"This is something she needed Ryan, she doesn't know what's going on…she needed to do this…just so she could move on" Marissa said gently as she rubbed Ryan's hand back and forth. Ryan looked up at her, "I woke up in the middle of the night and I heard screaming, I ran to her bedroom thinking that she was being hurt, but she was by herself. She was screaming and crying in her sleep, she was tossing and turning" he said as he looked out the window. "I tried to calm her down but it just seemed to make it worse" Ryan said simply.

Marissa moved towards him and placed a hand on his cheek, trying to get his attention, "this isn't your fault…you can't blame yourself. You can only do so much Ryan." Ryan stared intently at her face, watching her lips as they spoke, trying to soak in everything she was saying. "Don't let this make you think you're doing everything wrong because you're not…you're doing an amazing job. I think your sister would be so proud to see you now" Marissa said softly. Ryan stared at her, feeling tears come to his own eyes, "Thank you" he whispered to her.

They stayed silent as they stared into each others eyes, with Marissa's hand still rested firmly on Ryan's smooth cheek. "Lauren…that's my sisters name" he said softly as he slowly grabbed her hand that was rested on his cheek and held it in his own. "Her husbands name was Derek; they had been driving home from dinner. They got rear-ended by a drunk driver and hit a tree" Ryan said softly. Marissa held his hands tightly as she held back strong tears. Ryan looked away towards the window, "when I read her will…I thought it was some kind of joke. I mean why would she pick me?" he said softly, asking the question more to himself than anyone else.

"Because she trusts you, she knew that you'd be able to take of Skylar and do what was best for her" she said. Ryan turned to her, not expecting her to say those words, "why do you think I can do it?" he asked. He didn't think he could do, so why should anyone else? It didn't make any sense to him for how she could believe in him. "Because you're doing it already Ryan…a child is something so special and precious, your sister wouldn't have chosen you if she thought that you wouldn't be able to handle it. She knew you could, and personally, I'm going to trust what a mother thinks" Marissa said with a warm smile. He soaked in every word she spoke, deciding to trust her, he needed someone to believe in him and he was thankful it was Marissa.

Ryan stared into her eyes, not understanding how someone like her could be here, she was so beautiful, so smart, funny, and kind…kind beyond words. He lifted his hand slowly and placed it on her cheek, her breathing became heavy and she moved closer to him. Ryan brought her in and brushed his lips against hers, and there it was, the spark, the spark he felt the first time he saw her. Marissa leaned into him and kissed him again, allowing him to glide his hand down her cheek to the base of her neck to pull her in to him. She placed her hand on his chest, wanting to feel more of him, but found that it was even harder that way.

She pulled away from his lips, breathing deeply; she knew it was wrong; he was the parent of one of her students. But why did something so wrong have to feel so right? She had wanted to kiss him for a long time but now that it was happening, all she felt was guilt. Guilt for things he didn't understand or know about, something he may never get the chance to know about. Ryan stared confused, had he done something wrong? She had kissed him back so it couldn't be that. "I should go" she said softly as she stood up from the chair. Ryan stood up as well, "why? Do I do something wrong?" Ryan asked as he came closer to her. Marissa took another step back, which caused him to flinch, "no you didn't do anything…I just can't…I'm not ready to do this" she said. Ryan nodded his head, "I'm sorry Ryan…I want to be ready but there are things you don't know about me that I'm not ready to tell you yet…I like you Ryan, a lot…but I just can't right now" she said as her lip started quivering and tears sprung to her eyes. "I'm sorry Ryan" she said as she left the kitchen and the house in a hurry. Ryan walked out through the hallway and onto the porch to see her car already pulling out of the driveway and onto the street.

He sat down on the front steps as he watched her tail lights go down the street and thought about how something that had started off so nicely ended up completely awful. She had said that there were things he didn't know, but they both had things that the other didn't know, so he didn't understand why it bothered her to that extent. He ran a hand over his face and stood up; he went back into the house and into the living room. He watched Skylar sleep and carefully picked her up and carried her up the stairs to her bedroom. Ryan placed her in her bed, covered her with a blanket, kissed her forehead and left the room. He trudged down the hallway to his bedroom and laid right down on his bed, wondering how in such a short time, he was falling asleep to the thoughts of Marissa Cooper.


	4. These Wise Words Fall On Deaf Ears

The sun glided up through the darkness of early morning, bringing the catastrophic night to an end. It took Ryan more time than usual to wake up that morning, maybe it was because of what happened to Skylar in the middle of the night. Or it could possibly be what happened between him and Marissa, like when he kissed her and she left. That didn't go over well, Ryan thought as he made Skylar's breakfast. He made her favorite breakfast, just in case she wasn't in a good mood this morning. He heard her footsteps come down the stairs and was relieved when she in all ready for school.

She wore jeans with pink designs and a matching pink polo shirt, but for a little girl, she sure did know how to match her clothes. He laughed to himself just thinking about it, he knew his sister must have spent months working on that with Skylar. "Hey sweetie…I made your favorite, chocolate pancakes" Ryan said excitedly as he placed the dish in front of Skylar. Skylar smiled happily, "thanks Uncle Ryan" she said before putting syrup on her pancakes and starting to eat.

After eating, they left for Skylars School, a trip that Ryan wasn't sure he was ready to make. Her hair was a mess, he tried to do something with it that morning so he wouldn't have to have a run-in with Marissa, but he had no luck. They walked into the school together, Ryan holding her hand. But at that moment, Ryan felt like the child, the nervous child about to meet the teacher. When in reality, he was a grown man about to have a run-in with the woman he kissed last night who ended up leaving. The woman who he displayed his emotions for with a simple act, but it ended up blowing back up into his face.

Ryan stepped into the room, expecting to see her beautiful face somewhere, but was disappointed when he did not. He did see Mrs. Andrews cleaning up the classroom, but that was about it. Mrs. Andrews noticed him standing there and stood up, "Miss. Cooper isn't here today Mr. Atwood…she's sick" she said with a smile as she made her way over. Ryan nodded, knowing perfectly well that Mrs. Andrews knew she wasn't sick. "But I would be happy to do Miss. Skylar's hair…if you want me to?" Mrs. Andrews asked Skylar with a smile.

Skylar smiled and sat down in front of Mrs. Andrews for her to do her hair, "did Marissa say what was wrong?" Ryan asked curiously as he watched Mrs. Andrews gather Skylars hair into a bunch. "Just that it wasn't a good day…poor thing. Must be visiting him again" Mrs. Andrews said as she put her last touches on Skylar's hair. "Visiting?" Ryan asked puzzled by her statement, he could tell Mrs. Andrews was cursing herself for her last statement. "Oh nothing…its nothing Mr. Atwood" Mrs. Andrews said as she put Skylar down to go play, her hair in a nice pony tail that bounced when she ran.

"Well I better be going…thank you Mrs. Andrews" he said as he started to leave before glancing once more at Skylar, her hair looked good…it wasn't hair by Marissa…but nice nonetheless. He waved bye to Skylar who just smiled and waved back excitedly as she played with the Winnie the Pooh game. He left the school and got into his car, wondering what Mrs. Andrews meant. Who was she visiting? And who was he?

Ryan finally realized what Marissa must have meant when she told him that "_there are things you don't know about me that I'm not ready to tell you yet_." He hadn't understood what she meant when she said that but maybe this man or boy she was visiting was what she was referring to. There were things that they didn't know about each other, but he wanted to know her, he wanted to know everything about this woman. He walked into his home and into his office, hoping to find some energy to work but seemed to find none. He went up to his bedroom where he noticed the piece of paper with her number on his nightstand.

He picked up the paper and ran his eyes across the number, wondering whether he should call her or not. He picked up the phone and sat down on his bed; he dialed her number and brought the phone up to his ear. He wasn't expecting an answer; he was more expecting the answering machine but was surprised when he heard her voice. "Hello" she asked tiredly, he could tell from her voice how tired she was, "Marissa" he said softly and he heard her breathing hitch for a moment.

"Hi Ryan…I thought you might call me" she said quietly. Ryan laid back on his bed, "well I went to drop Skylar off and you weren't there…so I was worried. I was wondering if we could talk?" he asked. Marissa sighed as she folded her laundry, "I don't think that's a good idea Ryan…maybe we should just…" she started to say but was cut off by Ryan's soft voice, "please" he said quietly and she knew she was sold, she couldn't say no. "Okay…you can come here" she said quietly as she put the last of her clothes in the laundry basket.

Ryan smiled and sat up, "okay…where do you live?" Ryan asked her. Marissa turned to her window, hoping to escape this conversation; she didn't want to see him right now. Or maybe it was that she didn't want him to see her at that moment. "You know the new drugstore near you?" she asked. Ryan stood up, "yeah…it's only a few streets away from here…" he trailed off. "Well that's my street…I'm in the big white building right next to the walkway for the beach…just opened the door and ring number two, that's mine." she said quietly. Ryan grabbed his keys, "okay…I'll see you in about five minutes" he said before leaving the house.

He made his way over to her house, but he stopped at a local diner first. He stopped in front of the condominiums and got out of the car with the styrofoam containers in his hand. He looked at the condos, the building was beautiful…painted white with light blue shutters. There was a large deck that wrapped around the entire building and had large bay windows. It must have been a brand new building, he thought as he walked into the building. It truly was beautiful, with high ceilings and amazing moldings with unique designs. He looked for her room number, only seeing three numbers; he knew that it must have been very private and exclusive to live here.

He pushed the button underneath her name and waited to be buzzed in, once he heard the noise he went inside and down the hallway. He reached hers and knocked on the door, he waited patiently with the food in his hand and smiled she opened the door for him. "Hi Ryan" she said quietly, wearing black sweat pants and a white t-shirt. He thought she looked gorgeous, with her hair pulled back in a loose pony tail and no make up whatsoever. "Hey…I brought breakfast" he said with a smile, highlighting the food in his hand. Marissa smiled and opened the door farther for him to walk in, becoming shocked at how beautiful her condo really was.

The condo had brand new hardwood floors, along with beautiful tiling in the kitchen area. The living room was large and spread apart with large white French doors that led right onto the patio on the beach. She had only white furniture in her living room, and he could understand why, it made the whole living room exuberant and bright. The kitchen had long marble countertops and stainless steel appliances. She had an island in the middle of her kitchen with seats surrounding it. From what he could see from these two rooms, her condo must have cost a little bundle.

"We can eat over on the island" Marissa said quietly as she moved to cabinets and pulled out places and glasses, then to the drawers to grab silverware. She pulled the orange juice from the refrigerator as Ryan took a seat at the island and placed the two containers in the middle and opened them. Marissa took a seat across from him, "I got the special for both of us…its just about everything, scrambled eggs, pancakes, bacon, waffles and fruit" he said quietly as he picked up a fork to start eating his.

They ate quietly with no words being spoken; Marissa merely pushed some of the food around her plate, only taking a measly three or four small bites. Ryan watched her in between bites; she seemed to be in a daze and couldn't concentrate for long. "Marissa" he said calmly and Marissa slowly let her gaze fall onto him. She didn't respond but he knew he had her attention, "why did you leave?" Ryan asked quietly. Marissa sat back against the seat and sighed loudly, she stared silently at the table, almost as if she didn't hear the question.

Ryan waited patiently for her answer, as he noticed her eyes gathering tears; he slid his hand over to hers and covered her hand with his. "When I told you that there are things about me…about my old life, that you don't know, I was not exaggerating by any means" Marissa said quietly as she caught his gaze. "But Marissa, just because you have some undisclosed occurrences from your past, doesn't mean that I'm suddenly going to stop liking you" he said with a soft smile as he entwined their fingers together. Marissa felt a tear fall to her porcelain cheek and disperse slowly. "I think I should take you somewhere" Marissa said quietly as she stood up from the chair, "it will be easier to explain" she said as he stood up.

They got into her car and Marissa drove down the streets of Charleston, to new areas that Ryan hadn't seen, beautiful areas they were. And as they drove, Marissa was caught up in her memory, a story that she seemed to replay in her mind. She felt as if it was a movie, stop…rewind…play…stop…rewind…play. It was an ongoing process that never seemed to go away.

_Stanford, University _

_It was Marissa's first year at Stanford and her year was flowing smoothly. She had just gotten back from Winter break and was working in the café near her dorm, hoping to make some extra money for a new computer she needed. She set down someone's coffee and made her way to another table where a lone gentleman sat, his voice broke her thoughts as she looked up, "I'm Sean…and you have to be the most beautiful girl I've ever met" Marissa heard and she felt her resisting her urge to burst out in laughter. _

_She looked at the man, he was attractive, and she couldn't lie, with his light hazel eyes, short black hair, an olive complexion, and a thin body. "What can I get you?" Marissa asked, deciding to ignore his comment. Sean smirked at her uninterested attitude, "a date with you would be good…or a blueberry muffin…either would be good" he said with a wide smile. Marissa stared him dead in the eyes, these were the kinds of guys she couldn't stand, the typed that used their cheesy pickup lines, tried to charming and used every opportunity to smile, in order to get you to fall for them, but she wasn't falling. She was standing straight up and wasn't planning on falling anywhere. _

"_A muffin it is then" Marissa said and left the table quickly. She made her way to get his muffin and couldn't help sighing deeply, another day with another pick up. Normally, girls would be pleased, but not Marissa, they were the same kinds of pick ups. Cheesy lines that they probably heard from TV, a pass for a night out with them, and promised to have an "amazing night that they'd never forget." Marissa wasn't interested, at all, she thought to herself every time this happened. She grabbed the muffin and made her way back to his table, she set the muffin down on the table in front of him; "here you go" she said and started to move back towards the register. "Wait" he said quickly and stood up, "I understand that you must have to deal with jerks like me all day long…but seriously, go out with me…we could have fun?" he questioned with a smile. _

_Marissa smiled softly back; "it sounds very appealing…but I'm going to have to pass" she said and turned back to the kitchen. Sean stood with a smile, knowing that he'd do whatever he could to go on a date with this "dream girl." And so he did, for the next two weeks, he came into the café, ordering the same thing and asking Marissa out, until one day, Marissa cracked and said yes to one date. It was the start of something, something that Marissa never thought would never expect. _

Marissa was brought back into her state when she pulled up to their destination. Ryan turned to her with a confused look on his face, "what are we doing here?" he asked as he looked out at the large area. "Just come on and you'll see" she said uneasily as she opened the door and got out, waiting for him to follow her lead.

_Months passed by as Marissa and Sean continued to date, eventually becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. While he was head over heels in love with her, she didn't feel like she reciprocated the same feelings for him. Months turned to years and their three year anniversary came around and changed everything when he laid out his feelings for her and proposed. In that moment, Marissa stared at the man in front of her, the man who loved her deeply. He was one of the kindest, most sensitive and funny men she ever met, and he cared for above everyone else, what else could she ask for in a husband? She said yes to his proposal. _

_They had a short proposal and got married during the summer after they graduated from Sanford University. The wedding was small with only twenty people in attendance, her family, his family, and their closet friends. It was a beautiful wedding on a beach in San Francisco. It was a couple weeks after they got back from their honeymoon that they received the idea to move to Charleston. After long and thoughtful consideration, they decided that it was a good idea and moved together to Charleston. They moved into a beautiful and small house, a gift from his parents. His parents came from old money in New England, making it safe to say that they were set to live comfortably for the rest of their lives. _

_Things seemed to be going perfectly, although Marissa never felt completely sure with what she had done, she couldn't complain about being loved by someone so caring and considerate. But didn't someone wise once say that things aren't always as they seem? You would think that we would be smart enough to listen, but that advice had fallen on deaf ears. _


	5. And I've Got To Get This Message Home

_Marissa slowly walking into her bedroom, expecting Sean to be in the shower, but was surprised when she saw him sprawled out on the floor, completely unconscious. She ran to his side, begging for him to wake up, and when she received no reply, she called an ambulance. _

_Sean stayed in the hospital for four days while they ran a number of tests on him to see what was wrong. Marissa had known he wasn't feeling well lately, he had lost weight because he had lost his appetite, he would sleep for hours on end but yet still feel fatigued and was awoken with horrible headaches at night. And while she asked him to see a doctor, he just waved it off, saying it was "nothing, it will go away in a couple days." _

_Now she knew, this wasn't anything, something was wrong. Before they had discussed with them results of the tests, Sean spoke with her privately. She sat, waiting for him to speak. "Sean…honey what's wrong?" Marissa asked, fearing the worst. Sean grabbed onto her hand, running his thumb back and forth on the back of her hand. "Marissa…I haven't been honest with you" he said quietly. _

"_What do you mean?" Marissa asked softly, grasping onto his hands harder. "When I was young…I was really active, I was always running and I loved to be outside whenever I could…but when I was nine, I was diagnosed with leukemia" he said. Marissa felt her lips start to quiver, but she forced herself to stay strong, she forced herself to stay brave, even if she felt the exact opposite. "I was given a bone marrow transplant from my dad and it worked…for a little while." Sean slowly brought his gaze up to meets her and she saw the look in his eyes, he was used to this, he was used to being sick. _

"_But when I was fifteen, the leukemia came back and I had to go through everything again. The bone marrow transplant, the chemotherapy, everything. It was really hard" he said quietly as he took his eyes away from hers and gazed out the window. "And now Marissa, its back…I don't need to hear the results to know…it's happening again" he said barely above a whisper. Marissa felt tears work their way down her cheeks, she rushed over to Sean, losing herself in his arms. The doctor come to see them a little later where he said that Sean's leukemia was back, Acute Leukemia it was…the worst of them all._

_They followed all the steps again, the bone marrow transplant, the chemotherapy…but it seemed like this time, the cancer wasn't going to be so easy to get rid of. Sean looked completely different, his hair was gone from the chemo, along with an excess amount of his weight. He could hardly walk anymore, the energy he used to have completely gone from his body. Sean's parents and Marissa's parents came out to Charleston, trying to help in any way that they could, but it was no use. There was nothing that anyone could do. _

_The months slowly passed by, treatment after treatment for Sean. He was getting sicker every day; they all knew it, especially Sean. The man that she married, not so long ago, no longer existed and was replaced by a weak and tired boy. The families coped as well as they could together, trying to make Sean and each other feel better while their families slowly unraveled. _

_Marissa felt her world shake violently around her. She felt like she on a ride at the carnival that just wouldn't stop spinning. She felt like she was in a bad dream that she couldn't wake up from. "You know I love you" she heard him say weakly. Marissa smiled through her soft tears, "I was so happy that day you went out with me Marissa…you were the person I was looking for my entire life…and I thank god that I found you" he said to her, making a small sob escape her lips. "And I know that you don't love me the way I love you…but I'm okay with that" and as Marissa went to interject, he shook his head, "just listen…I'm aware that you don't love me the way I love you, but I'm happy anyway because I had the chance to be with you Marissa" he said softly, tears gathering in his eyes. _

"_I got to wake up to you every day for so long, and I was lucky enough to become your husband" he said with a smile. "You'll always be the love of my life…even if I'm not the love of yours, but I'm still happy as hell" he said with a small laugh. Marissa felt more tears fall from her eyes, not knowing what to say to him, he was right, she didn't love him the way he loved her, but she never let that irritate her. Sean was one of the most remarkable men in the world, so why would it have bothered her if she didn't love him unconditionally? "Life isn't perfect and there are things that we can't stop…but there are reasons for the good…and the bad" he said. Marissa listened to his words, watching him as he slowly fell back asleep, she leaned forward and kissed his lips softly, "I love you Sean Matthews" she said with a smile as he softly smiled at her words and fell asleep. _

_She came back that night after taking a shower and there sat his parents crying outside his room, and she knew, she knew Sean had died. She felt herself collapse onto the ground and sob helplessly into her hands, feeling that the ride had just starting spinning faster. _

Ryan slowly followed her, looking at the sight around him, trying to piece together what was going on. Her strong voice brought him out of his mind encompassing thoughts. "I was married Ryan" she said as she turned to him, watching his shocked expressions. He stood speechless, not knowing what to say to her. "His name was Sean Matthews…and he was one of the greatest men I ever met" she said softly as she locked her gaze with his. "I didn't know…" he said, at a loss for words, "I know…I never told you…it's something I keep to myself" she said quietly. She turned to the headstone next to them; there laid a beautifully made marble grey headstone.

Ryan read the headstone, and rested his gaze on her as she looked at the headstone, leaning down to place the new flowers on the grave, she placed them vertically. She came back up, finding his gaze, "we can talk about it…I'll meet you at the car in a couple minutes" she said as she glanced back at her car. Ryan nodded and made his way back to her car. He watched as she leaned down once again, resting on her knees, he saw her speak quiet words, place her fingers on lips and then on the headstone before lifting herself back up. Ryan sat in the front seat as she came back to the car and got in, uncharacteristically quiet.

Ryan and Marissa sat in Marissa's living room. Ryan basked in the long story that Marissa had just told to him. He had so many questions, so many thoughts, so many words, but at the moment, nothing could escape his lips. "I think this is the first time in my life that I'm actually speechless" he mumbled. He saw Marissa's mouth curve upward, letting a small smile rest on her delicate face. "This is why I ran out last night... Sean was my husband, and it's hard for me to accept that I have to move on at some point, because I feel like I'm betraying him" Marissa said as her lips began to quiver. "Even though I know Sean wouldn't want me to be alone, I still feel guilty…he loved me so much" Marissa said as a tear escaped her eye.

_My song is love…love to the loveless shown.  
And it goes up… You don't have to be alone._

Ryan felt his chest constrict at the sight of her crying, it was heart shattering just to watch. "Why didn't you tell me?" Ryan asked quietly, he knew this situation had nothing to do with him, but he couldn't help but wonder. Marissa wiped the tears off her face and sat back against her couch, "Its just…just that...I never thought that me and you, I never thought that we would _be_ something" she said. Ryan nodded his head and took a sip of the water that was in front of him, hoping to get rid of the lump that had seemed to lodge itself in his throat.

"I didn't realize that I was falling for you" she said softly and he quickly raised his head, "not until the night that you kissed me. It felt like in one second, I was inundated with all these feelings and…" Marissa said as she ran her hand through her long tresses, "and it scared me" Marissa admitted. Ryan felt himself smile, a small smile, barely noticeable, but a smile nonetheless.

"Can I ask you something?" Ryan asked quietly, after the interim moment of silence. Marissa nodded her head as the wind from the open window blew some of the hair surrounding her face. "Were you in love with Sean?" Ryan asked tentatively. Marissa seemed to be unfazed by the question, as if she had been asked that same question a million times, or maybe she had been asking herself? "I loved Sean…I certainly did. But was I in love with him?" she asked as her eyes connected with his.

_And it's so hard to see you clearly.  
You don't have to be on your own…  
You don't have to be on your own._

"No…I don't think I was. Sean was an amazing man, there's no doubt about that. But he wasn't the one for me" Marissa said as her eyes seemed to daze off into her own mind, almost as if these words marked a momentous time in her life. But all Ryan could think of what did that mean for them?

Marissa felt his confusion, she didn't know how, but she did. She looked up at him, and while she expected his eyes to be there, they weren't. His eyes were situated on the floor, searching for answers to questions that neither of them could ever obtain. Marissa felt tears come to her eyes, feeling the memories seal her mind. "I blamed myself for months afterward…I thought that maybe there was something I could have done…" she trailed off, wiping the tears from her flawless face.

_And I'm not gonna take it back,  
And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that…  
You're the target that I'm aiming at._

_She sat in their bedroom, it was the day after the funeral and their house seemed so different now. It was empty and cold, it hadn't held any of the essences that it had when they had first moved it. She blew her nose once again as more tears sprouted from red and puffy eyes. She heard a knock on the door and tried to smile when she saw her mother's beautiful face peek in through the slightly opened door, a sympathetic smile placed on her face. "Hey honey…" her mother said softly as she sat down next to her, placing her arms around her. _

_Marissa sat contently in her mom's arms, "I should have done something" she mumbled as her grabbed yet another tissue. Her mom curiously turned to her, "like what? Sweetie, there was nothing any of us could have done…this isn't your fault" she said softly, trying to make Marissa see the truth. "I knew something was wrong mom and I told him to go see a doctor but he didn't and I didn't force him…" Marissa said as she sobbed loudly. "And maybe if he was in there sooner then he could have gotten better…" Marissa trailed off quietly as she saw her mother solemnly shaking her head at her. _

_And I'm nothing on my own…  
Got to get that message home._

"_No sweetie, that wouldn't have mattered. His cancer was severe and very aggressive… and with him having a past with it, it was just too much for his body…his body couldn't handle it" her mother said softly as she pulled Marissa closer, letting her drop her head onto her chest and cry. She didn't know how long they stayed like…but it was day she never forgot._

Marissa didn't know how long she had been sobbing for when she came back from her daydreaming, but it was long enough that Ryan had fully gotten up and sat next to her, wrapping his strong arms around her and pulling her body into his. "Shhh…its okay Marissa, its okay" he whispered to her as he gently rocked her back and forth, kissing the top of her head sentimentally. He continued to whisper sweet words to her, trying to calm her down, and soon enough Marissa sobs had turned into small sniffles.

_And I'm not gonna stand and wait,  
Not gonna leave it until it's much too late…  
On a platform I'm gonna stand and say:  
"That I'm nothing on my own  
And I love you, please come home…"_

Ryan laid on the couch as she rested her head on his chest, allowing him to run his fingers through her hair. Occasionally he would lean forward and kiss her forehead or the top of her head, and in those moments, Marissa saw the true meaning of being there for someone. "It wasn't your fault Marissa" she heard him say out loud to her and she turned her head to look him in the eyes. "That was something, something completely out of anyone's control" he said quietly. Marissa slowly nodded her head before resting her head back on his chest, "thank you" she said almost inaudibly. But Ryan heard her, he always heard her.

_My song is love, is love unknown…  
And I've got to get that message home._


	6. You Are My Sunshine

A couple weeks had passed since the fateful night where Ryan had learned the dreadful story of Marissa's past. The story of why she moved to Charleston with her friend had been a lie, a lie to cover a part of her life that she didn't like to revisit. But found herself revisiting almost every day. No progress had been made in between Ryan and Marissa; it seemed as if their relationship or their semblance of a relationship had hit a rock that kept them stagnant. Both of them seemed too circumspect to move an inch towards one another, in fear of rejection or dysfunction.

Ryan still brought Skylar every morning for Marissa to do her hair, but as soon as she was done, the conversation seemed to dry up. There was nothing left to discuss and all that was left was a messy situation in dire need of a cleanup. Until one specific morning, things took a drastic turn.

"Why don't you talk to Miss Cooper anymore?" Skylar asked sweetly Ryan as Marissa did Skylar's hair. Marissa and Ryan seemed to freeze, not knowing what would happen next. Skylar sat happily, waiting for an answer from Ryan but didn't seem to be fabricating one anytime soon. Marissa continued to braid Skylar's hair, trying hard not to look up at Ryan.

"Are you mad at Miss Cooper?" Skylar asked, impatiently waiting for an answer. Ryan shook his head, "no…of course not sweetie" Ryan answered. Skylar continued to look at Ryan, her dark brown hair shining in the light of the classroom. "Miss Cooper will you go on a date with my uncle because I heard my grandpa saying to my grandma that he has a hard time talking to the ladies" Skylar said quickly which caused Marissa to start laughing.

"Skylar, what did I say about keeping things like that to yourself?" Ryan asked as he eyed Skylar. Skylar shrugged, "I don't know…I forget Uncle Ryan" she answered honestly and Ryan couldn't help but smirk at the adorable little girl. "Will you Miss Cooper?" Skylar asked just as Marissa was finishing with the French braids. Skylar turned around to face Marissa, who was looking down at her hands. "Skylar, I don't think it would be a good idea if I went with your uncle Ryan." Skylar sat confused, as did Ryan, "why not?" Skylar asked and Ryan felt himself thank her inside his head.

"Well because it might affect you sweetie" Marissa said as she brushed some of the hair that stuck out of Skylar's braid. "No it won't…you could come over and watch my Winnie the Pooh movie with us and then Ryan could make you grilled cheese!" Skylar said excitedly. Marissa felt herself giggle at Skylar's excitement. "Why don't you?" Ryan heard himself ask and Marissa turned her eyes to face his. Marissa and Ryan kept their eyes locked and Marissa felt her head screaming "no" but her mouth wanted to say something entirely different.

"Okay" Marissa heard herself say and Ryan smiled at her and stood up from the table. "Yay! Uncle Ryan, she's going to come over!" Skylar said loudly and Ryan laughed. The bell rung and Skylar went over to her cubbie, leaving Ryan and Marissa alone. Ryan turned back to her, "how does tonight sound?" Ryan asked. Marissa nodded her head, "that's fine…6:30 sound alright?" Marissa asked. "That's great" Ryan said as turned to see Skylar playing with some of the kids that had entered the classroom. "I'll see you tonight" he said before turning and leaving. Marissa watched him closely as he left before turning back to the children and smiling, she watched as they played and then made her way over to the kids to start the day.

Marissa's trepidation of what might happen that night caused her to move slowly, painfully slow. She couldn't handle not knowing what would happen on a night like this. She knocked on the door, hoping that maybe they weren't home or that they had to cancel for an emerge- "Hey…come in" Ryan said as he broke her out of her thoughts, shattering her hopes with a simple open of a door. He smiled sweetly at her and she felt a small smile appear on her face. She stepped into the house, feeling the cool affects of the central air conditioning.

"Skylar made clear instructions for tonight" Ryan said with a small chuckle as he turned around to face her. "We have to watch her movie with her first, and then eat dinner, and then its time for Skylar to go to bed" Ryan said with a smile. Marissa folded her arms across her chest, not wanting to play this little game that no one would ever end up winning. Ryan watched as her amused expression seemed to fade, he didn't know what to say, what could he? He slowly moved his hand to grab hers but she moved, "are we going to talk about what happened?" she asked, clearly irritated. Ryan dejectedly brought his hand back to his side, trying to act as if her action hadn't hurt him.

"What do you mean?" he asked which only seemed to infuriate Marissa even more. "I tell you that I like you, I actually said the words out loud to you and what? You stop talking to me" Marissa said loudly. Ryan moved closer to her, he listened to her angry words and tried to interject but she wouldn't allow him to. "Falling for you was something I never intended to do and it doesn't go away just because I want it to. I don't mean that it's a burden to me but I have to know…I need to know if I'm wasting my time or not" Marissa said, tears breaking all the anger in her strong eyes.

Ryan stood completely speechless, was she wasting her time? Had he fallen for her the way she had fallen for him?

Instead of the anger that Marissa thought she would spark from him, all she got seemed to be gloominess on his part. He stood dejectedly, as if the words had broken him in many ways. He turned and looked up at her slowly, "when I was young, my dad died of lung cancer…I hardly remember any of it but I do remember never seeing him again. It took a long time for my mom to get better and when she did, she started going on dates with men. I was around seven or eight" Ryan said softly before sitting back down. "She didn't want to be alone anymore so she tried to move on. It hurt me for a while because I thought that these guys were trying to take my dad's spot and I didn't want that to happen, neither did Lauren" he said quietly and Marissa stood, completely stunned at his sudden enlightenment of his early childhood.

"But when I was fourteen, she got married and when she left for her honeymoon, she never came back. Lauren had just turned eighteen and had to fight to gain custody of me because I sure as hell didn't want to go anywhere else" he said softly, almost as if his voice couldn't go any higher.

"And I know that these are completely different situations…but when I'm with you, its almost like I'm back in my eight year old body, watching my mom go out with guys that I didn't like nor recognize. I feel like I'm taking a woman away from her husband, which is the same way I felt when I was young" he said strongly. "Yes, I have fallen for you…in a way that I never thought I would for any woman but that doesn't mean I won't feel like a hypocrite…at least for a little while" he finished.

Marissa felt tears drip down her face, not knowing how to stop them; she merely just turned around, trying to hide her display of vehement emotion. "Why do you think she left?" she asked, barely audible through her soft tears. She turned back to face Ryan who was calm, more calm than she had expected him to be. "My mom wasn't a strong person and when my dad died, it broke her…for good" he said as she moved to sit next to him. "I can sit every day and think that maybe I was the reason but it didn't matter. I could have been the best son in the world and she wouldn't have stayed" he said before turning to face her.

"My mom wasn't strong enough and what she did, it was the best thing she ever could have done for me" Ryan said. Marissa moved her mouth to speak but nothing seemed to emerge. "No, I haven't turned out perfect and I know that the person I used to be before I moved here wasn't a good person whatsoever but Skylar has changed me and given me the best wake up call I could ever want" he said before grabbing her hand in his once again, but this time, she did not let go of his warm and soft grasp of her digits, an action that seemed to give him more satisfaction than expected.

"You were a wake up call for me" he said before pulling her hand up to his mouth so he could lightly kiss the back of her hand. A simple action by him that sent warmth throughout her entire body, an action that brought a small smile to her face. "So no, it is not a waste of your time but I do think that it will take some time for you and I to be where I want us to be" he said, not noticing Skylar step into the hallway. "Uncle Ryan, Miss Cooper, come on, I want to watch Winnie the Pooh!" she said loudly with a strong motion of placing her hands on her hips. Marissa and Ryan smiled and stood up, keeping their hands locked together as they walked slowly into the living room to watch the movie with Skylar.

The night seemed to move slowly as they ate dinner together, enjoying their time together as a trio. They talked and had a few laughs but before they knew it, it was Skylar's bed time. Ryan made sure she brushed her teeth and brushed her hair before getting into her pajamas and getting into bed but Marissa was on duty for before bed activities. Ryan sat downstairs on the couch, waiting patiently for Marissa to finish up with Skylar so they could possibly finish their conversation.

"Can you sing me a song?" Skylar asked sweetly with a smile and Marissa nodded her head, "okay…you don't mind if I sing a song that a friend of mine used to sing to me, do you?" Marissa asked and Skylar nodded sleepily. Marissa cleared her throat with a couch and took a sip of the water next to her. "Wait Miss Cooper, what friend sang it?" Skylar asked, she surely was smart for a five year old, Marissa could easily say that. "My friend Sean…he used to sing this song to me when I was sad because that's what his mom sang to him when he was a baby" Marissa said with a smile and Skylar just merely nodded and laid her head back down.

"_You are my sunshine,__ my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You never know dear, how much I love you. So please don't take my sunshine away. The other night dear, while I was sleeping, I dreamt I held you in my arms. But when I woke dear, I was mistaken, so I hung my head and cried."_

Marissa softly finished and as a tear fell down her cheek, Skylar's eyes closed and she drifted off into slumber. Marissa put the blankets over her and kissed her forehead before turning on her nightlight, turning off the lights and leaving her bedroom.

Marissa trailed down the stairs, wondering what she would say to him now that it was just them alone. She walked into the kitchen where he sat, drinking a beer at the table. Marissa sighed and took a seat next to him, "do you want something to drink?" he asked quietly and she moved her hand to grab his beer and took a sip, causing a bright smile to become apparent across his face. She placed his beer back down and leaned back against her seat.

"So what are we gonna do?" he asked as he turned to her, she turned to him and smiled softly, "I'm not sure" she said. Ryan grabbed her hand in his and laced their fingers together, a sweet gesture that made her see every reason for why she had fallen for this man. "Maybe we should try the whole dating thing?" he asked tentatively, merely surprising her. "You want to?" she asked, clearly buried in mirth in that moment. She waited for an answer but was pleased even more when he leaned forward and kissed her on the lips, a quick kiss it was. The kiss was softer than anything, kind of like a habit.

He pulled away and rested his forehead on hers, "yes…I really do" he stated as he leaned in and kissed her again. Marissa wrapped her arms around his neck, slightly holding the blonde hair on the back of his head. Their tongues mingled passionately in hopes of showing their true feelings for each other. Soon enough, Ryan's black t-shirt had been thrown to the ground as Marissa ran her hands over his rugged and muscled chest. Ryan kissed down Marissa's neck, allowing the stubble on his face to rub against her neck, only adding more fervor to their moment. He returned back up to her lips, running his hands underneath her blouse and over her soft back. Ryan reached down to lift the silk blouse off but her hands abruptly stopped him and she pulled back.

"I should go" she said, breathing heavily. Ryan smirked and leaned in to kiss down her neck, eliciting a soft moan from her lips. "Stay the night" he mumbled against her neck as his hands worked their way up her blouse once again but she pulled back with a smile on her face. "We're taking this slowly…remember?" she said smartly and he sighed and looked down, "I want this" she said gesturing to the two of them, "to move at a good pace" she said as she leaned her face down close to his, brushing her nose against his, drawing out a smile on his lips. "And as much as I'd like to stay the night with you, I just can't" she finished.

Ryan nodded and stood up, grabbing his shirt from the floor and putting it back on. He wrapped his arms around her waist as she started to walk by him, bringing his face close to hers. "Will you go on a date with me tomorrow night?" he asked as he moved closer to her, feeling as is she some kind of drug that left him wanting more and more. She smiled, "okay…dinner and a movie?" she asked as she brushed her lips over his, "that sounds perfect" he mumbled as he kissed her once again, allowing his desires for her to overcome all his senses.

She pulled back with a giggle and moved toward the front door, opening it and stepping outside with him in tow. He grabbed her hand in his and they proceeded down to her car that was parked in the front of the house. She got into her and buckled herself in before turning on and car and opening the window. He leaned in and kissed her once again, "I'll come pick you at eight?" he asked and she nodded, she kissed him once more and put the car into drive. "Good night" she said with a smile, "good night Marissa" he said. She pulled away from the house and up the street as Ryan stood watching her from afar. He smiled as he ran his fingers over his lips, feeling a tingle run through them. With a bright smile on his face, his made his way up the stairs and into the house, feeling the tension of his heart lessen.

_You never know dear how much I love you...so please don't take my sunshine away. _


	7. Never Be Ordinary

**Okay everyone, I just wanted to announce that after this post, there will only be 2 or 3 more posts of this story. I know that is very short notice but I've recently decided to end this story short. Enjoy!**

Winter came in full mode, bringing cold air and snowy days along with it. The city of Charleston sat in the grasps of a peaceful white blanket. The holidays had already passed, bringing them into the pure winter season. Ryan, being accustomed to New York City weather, found it quite refreshing to see some semblance between the winters of New York City and Charleston, even if Charleston had a warmer climate in the winter than New York did.

Ryan sat in his office, looking over documents on his computer, when he heard a knock on the door. He looked up to see Marissa, leaning against the door, contently watching him. "Hey" he said with a smile as she came over to him, sitting in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and allowing him to wrap his arms around her waist. "How's work?" she asked, glancing at the mass amount of papers on his desk and the many documents on his computer screen.

Ryan sighed, "busy" he said simply and Marissa leaned in and kissed his neck lightly. "Well I ordered some Chinese and its on the way, Skylar is getting ready to eat…so I'll just leave you alone until it comes" she said and started to stand up and was surprised when he pulled her back down onto his lap. "Stay…keep me company" he said with a grin and she smiled back at him when he leaned in to softly kiss her lips. Marissa leaned her forehead against his, marveling at how wonderful their relationship had been going since it started a couple months before that. She had been spending so much time at Ryan's that she was barely at her own house any more.

She and Skylar got along fantastically, she couldn't ask for it to be any better. Skylar would stay late after school and play with some toys while Marissa cleaned up the room, then as soon as Marissa was done, Marissa would take Skylar back to Ryan's house and watch her while Ryan worked in his office. Marissa would end up staying the night and going home in the morning before work to change then come back and pick up Skylar to go to school. As much as it scared her sometimes, it was almost as if they were a family…and Marissa liked it.

Marissa was brought out of her thoughts when she felt Ryan nuzzle his head in the crook of her neck, tickling her skin with his short hair. Marissa giggled and stood up, grabbing Ryan's hand in hers, "come on, let's go wait for the food" she said and pulled him up out of his seat and out of his office. She felt Ryan's strong arms wrap around her waist, "I wanted to ask you something" Ryan murmured in her ear and she turned around to face him.

"We're opening a new restaurant in upstate New York and they need me to go for a few days" Ryan said as he ran a hand through his hair. "Do you want me to watch Skylar?" Marissa asked curiously. "I wasn't sure if you'd want to…she's just really comfortable with you and I would invite you, but I'll hardly be able to see you" Ryan explained and Marissa put a finger on his lips, hushing him. "It's fine…I'll watch Skylar. When do you leave?" Marissa asked, "Wednesday and I come back Sunday." Five days, Marissa thought to herself, that's definitely a lot of work, but she knew she could handle it. "Okay…that's fine" she said with a smile and Ryan leaned in and kissed her, "thank you" he said simply and she returned his smile.

That Wednesday, Ryan left Charleston for New York, hoping that everything would be okay back in Charleston. He knew that Marissa and Skylar got along and that Marissa was amazing at taking care of her, but five days might be a little more difficult. But somewhere in his brain, he knew that they'd be fine, they would be perfectly okay without him.

Marissa went through the first three nights with no problems whatsoever, considering she knew the entire bedtime routine. Of course it was hard for her when she would go to sleep; she was used to having someone sleeping next to her, holding her. She knew the amazing sex was a major plus, but just the fact that there was someone else made her comfortable, it was a comfort she had greatly missed. On Saturday, the day before Ryan returned, they played together outside in the snow, throwing snowballs, making snow angels, and snowmen. They played until their noses could be confused with Rudolph's. They sat in front of the television with their hot chocolate and comfy clothes on, watching Disney channel together. Skylar watched in total infatuation, while Marissa sat completely uninterested, waiting for Ryan to call the house.

She practically jumped off the couch when the phone rang and ran to the kitchen to answer the phone. "Hello?" she said, "hey babe" she heard him say and she smiled instantly. "How's your trip?" she asked as she crossed her arms across her chest and looked out into the living room, seeing Skylar still infatuated with the Disney channel movie. "Boring…as usual…I wish you were with me" Ryan said and Marissa grinned helplessly.

"Me too" she said quietly. She glanced at Skylar once again, noticing that she was starting to fall asleep, and turned back to the kitchen, "how's everything going back there?" Ryan asked as she heard him moving in his hotel room. "It's going very well. We're just watching _High School Musical…_but I think my partner in crime is falling asleep on me" Marissa said dramatically and Ryan laughed. "Ahh…I've seen my fair share of that movie. I can honestly say if I never watched it again, it'd be way too soon" Ryan said with a chuckle and Marissa giggled.

"We played outside in the snow for a while today and now is our relaxing time…it's been fun" Marissa said. "That's great" Ryan responded immediately, feeling a reassuring smile grow on his face. "But I have something to admit" Marissa whispered into the phone and Ryan laid back onto his bed, "what?" he whispered back with a grin. He pulled the comforter over his boxer clad body and relaxed, "I miss you" she stated quietly and he felt a wide grin come across his face.

"Well can I admit something too?" he asked quietly. "Yep" she answered back as she poured herself more hot chocolate, "I miss you too" he said and Marissa giggled. "Well you come back tomorrow…so we'll see each other soon" she replied and took a sip of her hot chocolate. "Yes we will…I better get to bed though, I still have some stuff to do in the morning…but I'll see you tomorrow" he said. "Of course" she replied, "good night" he said, "night Ryan" she said and hung up the phone. She grabbed her mug and made her way back to the living room where Skylar was dozing off, she sat down gently on the couch.

She slightly jumped when she heard Skylar's little voice, "Miss Cooper…can I ask you a question?" Skylar asked and Marissa nodded with a smile. "Of course you can sweetie" Marissa answered and took a sip of her hot chocolate. "Why do you teach little kids like me?" she asked curiously and Marissa placed down her hot chocolate on the coffee table, before muting the movie.

"Hmmm...That's a good question" Marissa said and laughed slightly before turning back to Skylar. "I teach little kids like you so I don't get wrapped up in being an adult. So sometimes I can realize that paying the bills on time isn't the most important thing, riding a bike is more important…or playing in the snow. I teach so I can meet the people who will someday change this world for the better…and I teach so I can meet spectacular children, just like you" Marissa answered softly, with a small smile. Skylar looked back at the television, watching the children sing and dance.

"But I'm not spectalar" Skylar said, completely mispronouncing the word. "I can't do what those kids can do" Skylar said, gesturing to the television. Marissa looked at the television for a moment before she knew exactly what to say. "You know, sometimes I used to think exactly like you and my friend Sean would know exactly what to say. He'd tell me these lines from a movie that I used to watch all the time and for some reason, it always made me feel better and I think that you certainly qualify to hear it" Marissa said quietly.

"Skylar…among all other normal stars, you're a shooting star. Have you ever seen a shooting star?" she asked, seeing Skylar shake her head no. "Well it's beautiful…and so wonderful, it comes quickly but when its there, it lights up the entire sky. It's so amazing that all the other stars just stop and watch. And just like a shooting star, you'll never be ordinary…you'll always be spectacular" Marissa said with tears in her eyes, knowing it was finally time to pass that statement along.

She felt Skylar's small arms wrap around her neck and hug her and Marissa hugged her back. Marissa felt tears come down her cheek, realizing that the last time she'd heard those words, they'd come from his mouth. They sat like for a few minutes and the next time Marissa looked down at Skylar, she was asleep. Marissa picked her up and brought her quietly up to her bedroom and placed her gently on the bed. She covered her with the blanket and turned on her Winnie the Pooh night light. She sat in the rocking chair next to her bed and watched her sleep, feeling more tears come down her cheeks.

She got up and left the room quietly, closing the door behind her and making her way down the stairs to the living room where she cleaned up the mess that they'd made together. She placed the dishes into the sink and rinsed them out before placing them into the dishwasher, then put the remaining pieces of pizza in the fridge. She slowly walked to the front door, seeing the new fallen snow sitting quietly on the city. She grabbed her jacket and pulled it on, stepping her sock covered feet on the porch. She sat down on the bench on the porch, and looked at the silent street, wondering how snow had the same silencing effect every single time.

She looked up at the sky; looking at the stars and feeling all the tears come back to her eyes. She wiped her eyes quickly, sniffling in the cold weather. She looked up at the sky once again and in the silence of that very moment, when the snow was still as statues, a shooting star went across the sky, lighting up entire sky for her blue eyes to watch. "Thank you so much Sean…thank you so much" she murmured quietly to herself before softly crying in her hands, knowing that all the things she loved about Sean, all the things he said or did, were just memories and she'd never get to see him do something…or speak beautiful words to her ever again.

The next day, Marissa moved slowly around the house, still feeling sluggish after the night before. Skylar, completely oblivious to Marissa, was jumping around ecstatically because her Uncle Ryan was coming home that night. Skylar excitedly played around in her bath, allowing Marissa to wash her hair. Marissa listened with interest to her stories about how whenever Uncle Ryan gives her a bath; she has to wear her bathing suit, something that made Marissa laugh hysterically.

That night, Marissa laid on the couch, reading her book as she waited for Ryan to get home. Unfortunately for Skylar, after all the jumping around and excitement that day, she had exhausted herself and fell asleep long before Ryan was supposed to get home.

_**Twilight fades, through blistered avalon…**_

She still felt the sadness flowing through her veins from the night before. She didn't know why but she just couldn't get it out of her mind, she had moved on from Sean's death a long time ago, but now it seemed as if the wounds had reappeared, bringing back the old pain she felt. But as sad as she was, she still felt the excitement of seeing Ryan again, the amazing Ryan that she spent most of her time with, the Ryan that stayed in her mind when he wasn't around, her Ryan.

Marissa put down her book when she heard a key unlocking the front door and got off the couch. Marissa leaned up against the living room doorway and watched as Ryan put down his bags and kicked off his shoes. His hair, jacket and luggage was adorn in small snow flakes from outside and Marissa felt a smile come onto her face. "Hey stranger" she said with a smile and he turned around to face her. Ryan smiled immediately as soon as he turned and saw her, they came towards each other and Marissa jumped happily into his open arms.

_**The skys cruel torch on arching autobahn…**_

Ryan held her close to his body, smelling her freshly washed hair and body, feeling at home once again. "I missed you" he said quietly as the pulled back, still holding onto each other, Marissa smiled and kissed him, "I missed you too" she said against his smiling lips. Marissa squealed in delight when she felt Ryan lift her up in his arms, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Ryan slowly placed her down on the kitchen counter, standing in between her legs. Marissa just wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing his face closer to hers. Ryan rubbed up and down her sides, "I brought presents" Ryan said with a smile and Marissa's eyes lit up, "you got me a present?" Marissa asked with a large grin and Ryan laughed, "yep…one for you and one for Skylar" he answered.

Ryan pulled out a jewelry box from his jacket pocket and handed it to Marissa. Marissa smiled in excitement and opened the box quickly, seeing a beautiful necklace inside. It was a simple necklace with a diamond tear drop on the end. "Ryan…it's beautiful" she said quietly as she slowly took it out of the box and fastened it around her neck. "You really like it?" Ryan asked as she ran her fingers over it as it lay against the skin of her chest, "I love it" she replied and leaned in and kissed him passionately, thanking him. "Thank you" she said as they pulled away.

_**You make me real**__**…you make me real.**_

Marissa looked down at their entwined hands, smiling. And for a moment, she saw Sean's face come through her mind and she was brought into yet another daydream. Marissa stared out the window to the snow covered trees in the backyard and all she saw was his face, his smiling face. "Marissa, baby, you okay?" she heard and was snapped out of her daydream, she turned back to Ryan's face and nodded vaguely. Ryan rested his hand on her cheek, "are you sure?" he asked, clearly concerned and she jumped off the counter. "Yeah…I'm fine" she said once again, trying to get off this topic. But Ryan didn't believe that she was okay.

"You don't seem fine" Ryan said and Marissa turned back to him, suddenly very irritated. "Well I am, so just stop it!" she said loudly and left the kitchen, shocking Ryan. Ryan walked after her, finding himself in his bedroom. "Why are you mad at me?" Ryan asked harshly, feeling the anger come over him. But Marissa didn't answer him, just continued to change her clothes and even in the anger of the moment, Ryan couldn't help but watch as she changed, her body always did that to him. "Did something happen?" Ryan asked and Marissa turned around to face him, and Ryan was shocked to see the anger gone from her eyes to be replaced by tears.

_**Strong as I feel**__**, you make me real…**_

"Last night, Skylar asked me these questions and I answered them the best I could. But she was saying how she can't do anything special like sing or dance like the kids on High School Musical" Marissa said quickly, in between gasps of air. Ryan moved over to her quickly and placed his hands on her waist, "Marissa…just slow down and breath" Ryan said as she continued to cry. "And I told her something…I told her something that Sean always used to say to me" Marissa said as she held back a sob, "and it hurt so bad afterwards because I finally realized all the things I loved about him, like the things he said to me or things he did for me…I'd never get to see or hear again" Marissa said as she moved from his grasp to stand near the door of the bedroom.

"I just feel so guilty and I just feel like…" Marissa trailed off, trying to regain some composure. "Feel like what?" Ryan asked softly as he moved closer towards her, hoping she wouldn't move again. Marissa looked up at him, "I feel like he's mad at me" Marissa said quietly as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Why would he be mad at you?" Ryan asked, suddenly confused. "Because Ryan, I'm in love with you, the way I should have been in love with him" Marissa said loudly as she stared at his face. Things froze in the bedroom and all that could be heard was their breathing, Ryan stared at her face, watching as the tears continued to drip down her cheeks.

_**A summer storm graces all of me**__**…  
Highway warm sing silent poetry.**_

Marissa looked down at her hands, feeling stupid for what she had just said. She glanced up at him, seeing him still surprised for what she had just said. "I'm going to go" she said quietly as she turned and started to leave the bedroom, "wait" she heard him say and she turned around to face him. Ryan walked over to her slowly, making her more nervous as he came closer. Ryan brought his hand up to her cheek and he slowly moved his hand to the back of her neck, he moved his lips closer to hers. Their lips were so close; he could practically feel her lips on his, his brushed his nose against her and stared into her eyes.

"I love you too" he said wholeheartedly as his lips covered hers, conveying all he felt for her. They pulled back, gasping for air and Marissa her face in his neck, remembering every single reason for why she was in love with him. "What makes you happy?" Ryan asked and Marissa looked up at him, "you…and Skylar" she replied with a small smile gracing her lips. Ryan smiled slightly and picked Marissa up the way he had earlier and she giggled quietly, "I think the only thing Sean ever wanted was for you to be happy…and I think that because if I were him, I'd only want you to be happy" Ryan said quietly.

_**I could bring you the light,  
And take you home into the night…**_

Ryan brought her over to his bed and placed her down. He looked down at her watched as she grabbed the hem of his shirt, bringing it up with her finger tips as she stood up. She took off his polo shirt and threw it to the side of the ground. Marissa leaned in and kissed his lips softly, "Wait…" he said and pulled back. "Are you sure you want to do this, after everything?" Ryan asked. Marissa nodded her head, "yes" she murmured as she kissed his lips, breaking Ryan from his shell as he kissed her back passionately, needing to feel the body of the woman he loved more than anything.

Later on, Ryan laid on the pillows, feeling the physical exhaustion creep onto his body. He smiled tiredly as he felt Marissa's lips trail softly over his bare chest. She kissed up his chest to his neck, smiling as she felt his fingers move up her soft legs. Marissa smiled down at him and as he tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Thank you" she whispered to him in the quiet of the bedroom, "for everything" she added. She laid her head on his chest, allowing her tired body to rest. And right as she was about to fall into a deep sleep, she heard him quietly speak, "anything for you."

_**Strong as I feel, you make me real.**_


	8. A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

Hey guys, I'm so sorry it's been so long but this year has been a lot more hectic than I expected. I've had a lot of schoolwork, sports responsibilities, and family issues that pushed writing for these stories to the bottom of my list. I just wanted to let you guys know that this is last chapter and after this, there will be a mini epilogue, so enjoy!

The waves crashed against the shore the same way they did the day before, and the before that. The snow accented the navy blue ocean water and although wave after wave crashed into the shore, all was silent. Marissa stood with her North Face jacket pulled close to her body to keep all her body heat, along with gloves and a scarf. She watched the ocean quietly, thinking over the past few months and how her life had drastically changed in that time.

She thought about it, he came along in September, and now, mid February, he was still with her. And if she could help it, he would not be going any time soon. Her life had only become better with Ryan and Skylar around. That hole of loneliness and heartbreak that Sean had left in her heart had been filled by Ryan and Skylar and she could not be any happier.

She felt Ryan's strong arms wrap around her hips and pull her closer to him. "It's freezing" she mumbled as he buried his face in her long, golden blonde tresses. He breathed slowly and deeply, trying to grasp the beautiful scent of her hair in his nostrils for as long as humanly possible. And she was right; it was mid February, February 14th to be exact…Valentines Day.

The weather had decided to work against them in Ryan's romantic attempt to take her a private location, a location that he swore no one knew about. He had discovered one morning a few days after Skylar had just started school. He had decided to go explore the area and discovered a desolate beach with no houses in sight. It was more like after a long hike through the deep woods when all of a sudden, the woods opened, out of nowhere, into a beautiful lone beach.

Although the weather had not agreed to one of the activities, the couple did not let that put a damper on their Valentines Day. Ryan still was determined to complete the perfect Valentines Day for Marissa. They had started their Valentines Day celebration by staying at a five star hotel the night before and waking up to the serenity of a silent room and the security of knowing that Skylar was with her grandparents. After breakfast in bed, they had spent a lot of the day in bed, making love and simply holding each other. Something they felt they did not do enough. After, Ryan had decided to take her to a special place where he knew she'd like.

"Yeah…it is…but do you like it?" Ryan asked quietly and she turned around to face him, placing her hands at the base of his neck. "It's beautiful" she stated as her eyes roamed the snow covered beach. Ryan leaned in closer to Marissa, placing his forehead on hers. Ryan couldn't help but let a smile fill his face as he looked into her eyes. "What?" she asked with a confused smile, "I love you…do you know that?" he said quietly and she nodded her head. "Of course I do" she said.

Ryan grabbed the box out of his pocket, "I'm glad…because I wanted to give you something." Marissa watched as he pulled the box into clear view and she felt her eyes start to water. "I know it's too soon for an engagement ring…but I know that you're it for me Marissa. You are the one I want to wake up with and go to bed with, and do everything in between with." Marissa wiped the tear as it came down her cheek, smiling in mirth.

He opened the box and inside laid a platinum ring, it was a princess cut ruby in the center with two smaller princess cut diamonds on the sides and even smaller diamonds going down the sides. Marissa gasped at the beauty of the ring and smiled as he grabbed the ring out of the box and started to slip it on her ring finger. "This is a promise ring… a promise that I'll always love you and that someday, hopefully soon, we're going to get married."

Marissa pulled the ring tighter on her finger and gave Ryan a hug, staring at the ring from over his shoulder. "I love you" she murmured softly as he held her close to his body, "I love you too…" with a smile as he leaned in and kissed her.

Later that night…

Marissa and Ryan lay closely in their bed, holding each other in comfort. Ryan continued to whisper sweet nothings into her ear, soothing her to sleep. "You're so beautiful" he murmured to her as he ran his hand down her naked side, letting his fingers trace her womanly curves. Marissa didn't know when, but she fell into a deep sleep and felt herself wake up to an unfamiliar surrounding.

_I saw a modest dream,  
the kind that can't speak up…_

_And lost before it's let out…  
in the north we hold our tongues._

The brightness of the area was almost blinding and she had to close her eyes for a second to adjust to the lighting. She opened her eyes and sat up, looking around at the vicinity. She stood up; gazing in amazement at the white gown she was wearing, wondering if what she was thinking was actually true. She couldn't be… she couldn't be in heaven… could she?

"Hi Marissa" she heard the familiar voice say and she turned towards the voice, feeling her jaw drop at the sight in front of her, Sean. He looked especially handsome, even better than the way he looked the first day she had met him. "Sean? What are you… what am I…" she trailed off, finding the words hard to form. "Am I dead?" she asked abruptly and he laughed mirthfully, it was a beautiful laugh, a laugh she hadn't heard in a long time and just the sound of it was enough to make her burst into tears. "Of course not… I wouldn't let that happen" he said with a smile.

_But down here I believe,_

_When you pull your hair back it's so easy to see  
this has not been thought through…_

"Then what am I doing here?" she said as she waved her hand at the surrounding area. "You have some unfinished business Marissa, it's about me and it won't go away unless you choose to let it go" he said softly. Marissa felt a tear drop to her cheek, "I've tried to let you go…but it's hard. I miss you and I feel like what I'm doing is hurting you…" she trailed off. Sean smiled softly, "you could never hurt me… if anything, I'm happy for you" he said with his eyes sparkling. "You and Ryan deserve each other and if there was any guy I'd want you to be with, it'd be him."

"I mean you're going need someone to cook for you since I'm not around" he said with a smirk and she laughed. He moved closer to her and placed his hand on her cheek, "I've missed that laugh" he said somewhat sadly. Marissa placed her hand on top of his and entwined her fingers with his. "I want you to be happy... I want you to wake up and think about what you have in your life, not what you don't have… or who you don't have." Marissa nodded softly and felt her heart flutter as she felt his lips kiss her forehead.

_There are things that we've done that we cannot undo…  
there are things I can't hear when we're telling the truth._

"Can I see you again?" she asked softly and he smiled, "of course you can…whenever you need me, I'll come to you when you're dreaming" he said. Marissa smiled, "so this will be our special place" she said. Sean nodded his head and leaned in closely to her ear, telling her his goodbyes as he kissed her cheek. "This will be somewhere only we know" he whispered softly into her ear before she opened her eyes to the hotel room.

She pulled the big fluffy comforter closer to her body and reached over to feel for Ryan but he wasn't there. She heard the bathroom door open and Ryan walk back over to the bed in which she laid. She felt Ryan wrap his strong arms around her waist and pull her closer into him, "so how was your valentines day?" he asked quietly. Marissa smiled, grabbing his hands in hers, "perfect" she answered. "The beach was amazing yesterday… it was beautiful Ryan" she said gently.

_This probably won't work out,  
we might not live forever…  
while there's nothing to confess..  
Please pay attention._

"Yeah…it really is. It can be our place, it can be somewhere only we know" he said almost inaudibly into her ear and she almost felt like she was mistaken. She turned over and faced him curiously, "what did you say?" she asked. Ryan looked into her eyes with a smile, "I said it can be somewhere only we know" he said and she felt a small smile come onto her face as she turned back over and nestled herself in Ryan's arms as she responded, "yeah… I guess it can."

_And I know that it's brief…  
there's not nearly enough in one night to have seen,  
what you had in your hand._


End file.
